September 2016 AVA-Peter turned 20 years old! Happy Birthday, Dear Clinic!

Motherhood after egg donation

Motherhood after egg donation — how egg recipients experience motherhood

Egg donation is often not the patient’s first choice on their journey towards a child. Behind nearly every decision to do egg donation treatment is a history of several failed IVF attempts.

However, we are sure that you have done enough to become a mother to a genetic child and we are sure that you have many reasons to be proud of yourself when it comes to everything you have done so far!

Now it’s time to increase your chances and finally become a mother

When you have decided to go through egg donation treatment we know that there are a lot of ethical and emotional thoughts and feelings that needs to be sorted out.

We know that you want to go through this treatment and feel normal, feel inner peace, and feel that this treatment will finally give you the child that you have wanted for such a long time.

The child project involves emotions, money, focus and time and we know you feel that you deserve a result.

You deserve to achieve your goal, your wanted child! You will feel It is not logical for you to go through such a demanding project without a result.

Would you like to discuss your situation and see how we can help?

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Your maternal instinct affects you

Are you aware that your maternal instinct is actually affecting your thoughts and feelings before your pregnancy?

You are wondering if you can bond to your unborn «donor egg baby», if you will feel it’s yours, if you are going to tell, or not to tell the child about the conception through egg donation and you are wondering about how the child will react and grow up knowing this?

You see?

You already think as a mother, you are concerned on your child’s behalf because you want to do your best for your child. You have already started your motherhood!

Maybe you want to plan how you will react, think and feel after given birth to your child?

Why not trust your instinct?

That your love and your maternal ability will develop in relation to your child?

The parents of the child’s existence

When you make the decision to undergo egg donation, you make the decision that your coming child will exist. This child would never exist without your decision to use egg donation treatment.

The donor egg fertilized with your partner’s sperm is a combination that would never happen without this decision! The donor egg is worthless without sperm, and your uterus. You are totally necessary to create this miracle!

An egg donor doesn’t think about her egg donation as giving away a child. An egg donor does not want to be a part of your child’s life. The egg donor only wants to help couples to become parents and donate a little necessary puzzle piece to complete the puzzle that you made possible.

You are the mother of this child’s existent

Would you like to talk to mothers who had the same concerns before?

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Early bonding to the child

During pregnancy you already start the bonding process with the child. When you feel the child inside of you miracles happen. The child responds to your touch, by displaying more movements as a way of communication. The bond extends beyond language.

If someone asks you to describe your unborn child in the latest months of your pregnancy, I am sure you are able to.

You are the one that knows this child, carrying it and protect this child into this world

how do women that have egg donor babies feel about the experience Tell or not to tell your child about egg donation?

To tell, or not to tell your child about its conception through egg donation depend on your values, your ethical point of view, your culture and society and what gives you and your partner inner peace.

You don’t need to hurry with these decisions. Studies shows, that if you decide to tell, the best age to tell is when the child is between 5 and 7 years old.

So you actually have at least 6 years to prepare yourself!

We will give you some good advice about how to tell the child when that times comes.

Would you like to talk to mothers who had the same concerns before?

Please take 2 min to fill in the form

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It’s not possible to have all the answers to all the questions you’ll naturally have prior to the birth of your donor egg child!

Patients often have the same questions and concerns prior to committing to egg donation. Many issues we can help you with but it is not always necessary or even possible to come up with all the answers straight away. Some answers will be dependent on how having a baby affects you and your family, the temperament and character of your hoped-for child and the way in which attitudes of our society alter with time.

When considering whether to choose egg donation, you naturally want to gather as many facts and figures as you can, so as to become well informed and confident in your decision-making process. Certainty and confidence in the facts brings reassurance and ultimately inner calm. It is natural to seek inner calm over turmoil and have the conviction that the decision your making is the right one for you. We all want to avoid looking back and having regrets and feeling like we made a bad choice or didn’t do the very best for our children. When it comes to egg donation we are no different, we want to do the best we can for our hoped-for child.

These are some of the important questions that patients require to be addressed:

  • Do I let my child know about the egg donor and her contribution to my child’s conception?
  • If I tell my future child about the egg donation treatment will it create a divide between us?
  • What will it be like to be a child from a donor egg?

Would you benefit from a discussion with women who have achieved motherhood through egg donation?

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These important questions unfortunately are not straight forward to answer and the full answers can only be found in the future. Unfortunately, we cannot predict with certainty what the future will hold; all we know is the here and now. Still we naturally seek to resolve these questions prior to making the choice to become pregnant through egg donation.


The way I view it, it is hard to foresee what the correct answers to these questions are prior to a donor egg pregnancy and I say this for the following reasons:

  • The individual temperament and personality of your future child will impact on any choices you make as to letting them know about being an «donor egg child» or not. I have encountered partners that had made up their mind to tell their child about the egg donation treatment, but as time had passed and they’d grown to know their child they had changed their mind. They felt unequivocally that the child was all theirs and that their child was too sensitive and vulnerable to be able to deal with the information of being a donor egg baby. I have also encountered the converse, couples that had decided upfront not to inform their child about it originating from egg donation, but on getting to know their child they felt that they were withholding a secret and it was their opinion that their child could manage the information positively. Therefore, it is a combination of your outlook, your capability to inform your child positively and your perception of how you think your child will react to the information based on your experience of their personality, that will help you make these decisions.
  • To determine how it feels to be a ‘donor egg child’ we must look at how much attitudes have changed in such a short amount of time. Egg donation treatment is progressively becoming more and more accepted in society. Therefore, being a ‘donor egg baby’ will hopefully become increasingly normalized with time. Your child’s feelings to being a ‘donor egg child’ will in part be down to the attitudes of the era in which they grow up, which is obviously harder to determine as we cannot know the future. But perhaps more importantly, their attitude will be derived from their own personality and the confidence that they have in themselves and in you as a family: based on the love that you have provided them with.


So...

So, you can see it’s not always necessary or even possible to have all the solutions to all the questions prior to commencing egg donation treatment. You can only trust in your instincts to make the right choices in the here and now with the best information you can get. You and your feelings may alter over time, but today, you can make a decision about your future baby that feels right for you and them right now.

We know that your desire for a child comes from the energy of your natural maternal instinct. All your worries are based on your care, concern and love for your hoped-for child. That knowledge should allow you inner peace, knowing that you will always do your best for them and this should give you the confidence to be able to make the decisions that are right for you and your future child today: that is, after all, the best that you can ever do!

If you wish to discuss your personal situation with us, please take a couple of minutes to complete the form and we will contact you to offer our help

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First generation that does egg donation treatment

We are the first generation that will do egg donation treatment, that is why we need to experience this process by ourselves. We cannot ask our parents how it was for them to go through the same. It is still taboo and not legal in several countries.

But what we know is that behind every decision to do egg donation we find love; a lot of love from becoming parents.

We find a strong maternal instinct and a perfect family to grow up in!

We are sure that you look at egg donation as your best solution and possibility to become a mother. We know that you deserve this alternative after all that you have been through.

We want to help you towards your motherhood, and your dream!

 

Egg donation is a technique that enables previously infertile women to experience the joys of motherhood. Many of our patients have spent years trying to get pregnant via IVF and other treatments, but have only met with failure upon failure. Unsurprisingly, they enjoy pregnancy and motherhood even more when these are finally achieved.

Similarities and differences during pregnancy after egg donation

egg donation born babies

If you have never managed to become pregnant without egg donation, finding you are finally pregnant usually brings an overwhelming feeling of joy. This may of course be combined with anxiety about whether you will be able to carry the baby to term, plus some other worries unique to egg donation. Should you tell your family and friends about how the baby was conceived? Will the «donor egg baby» look like you and/or your partner? Will the whole experience be as wonderful as it would have been if you had been able to conceive the baby yourself, without medical help?

We understand all of these worries. And if you have been pregnant before, but sadly lost the baby you were carrying, you will have the additional anxiety of wondering whether the same thing will happen again. All we can say is that everybody experiences pregnancy differently, in whichever way their baby was conceived. Some women worry a lot; some worry a little.

Would you like to talk to mothers who had the same concerns before?

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Medical differences during pregnancy after egg donation

Donor egg recipients do unfortunately have a raised risk of pregnancy loss in the first trimester in comparison to young women using own egg. The reason for this is that even if the oestrogens and progesterone that you take to sustain your pregnancy work in exactly the same way as if the pregnancy had occurred naturally, the dialogue between the embryo, ovary and uterus is different. In a ‘natural’ pregnancy, the embryo produces a hormone called HCG, which stimulates hormone production by the yellow body in the ovary. The ovary then produces hormones to support the pregnancy in the uterus. This dialogue does not occur in a pregnancy achieved through egg donation.

Because of this, 1 out of 10 women who get pregnant through egg donation experience some form of bleeding in the first trimester. Although this may not necessarily lead to pregnancy loss, it is naturally extremely worrying and is a risk for pregnancy loss. At AVA-Peter, we therefore supply you with medication that can stop the bleeding, and instructions on how to use it. In this way, you will have everything you need at home in case such an emergency situation arises. (The medication cannot of course prevent miscarriages caused by chromosomal defects, but it has certainly been effective in sustaining pregnancies threatened by hormonal problems.) This strategy has significantly improved our baby-take-home rates:

Live birth rates per each embryo transfer in our egg donation programmes are 49%!!!

Due to our vast experience in egg donation treatment and excellent success rates it became possible to introduce a new financial principle based upon shared risk:

We guarantee that a baby will be born within 3 tries IVF with donor eggs or we return our patients 70% of their money back.

Have you ever experienced bleeding before pregnancy test or after positive pregnancy test? Would you like to get professional advice on your medical situation and to find out how you can reduce the risk of miscarriage?

Would you like to find out more about financial options based on "live birth or money-back" principle?

Please spend 2 min to fill in the form and we come back to you within 24h to explain

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When it comes to the baby’s health, some conditions (such as the likelihood of Down’s Syndrome or other chromosomal defects) are actually less likely due to the young age of our donors. What’s more, women who go to the effort of undergoing egg donation treatment tend to be highly motivated and interested in keeping as healthy as possible. This includes ensuring they take vitamins such as folic acid (to guard against spina bifida), get regular check-ups and do everything they can to safeguard the baby’s health.

 

Psychological concerns

However delighted you are to be pregnant with the help of donor egg, you may have mixed feelings about the fact that your child does not have your genes. You may feel guilty about wishing that the «donor egg baby» would look like you, or worry about what remarks people will make about the child’s appearance. If you have particular talents (for music or science, for example), you may be upset that these will not genetically be passed on to your child.

Do you recognize your own feelings and concerns? They are absolutely normal!

Would you like to talk to those women who are mothers now after egg donation treatment to see how they felt while being pregnant through egg donation?

Please take 2 min to fill in the form and we get back to you with contacts of our patients willing to talk to you.This service is free for you

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It is worth remembering that even with people who can conceive a child naturally, looks and skills do not always flow into the next generation. There are children who look like both parents, children who resemble one parent and children who do not look like either of their parents! As for intelligence or talent, just think of all the families you know in which the children somehow insist on being individuals rather than being as good (or bad!) at something as their parents. The love and stimulation with which you will surround your child will enable it to develop its true potential, in whichever direction this lies.

As the biological mother, you interact with your baby both before and after the birth. The mother-child bond develops as the baby grows within you, and the excitement of feeling your child kick in your womb is just like that of any other mother. You nurture your baby with your body throughout all the weeks and months of pregnancy, you go through the unforgettable experience of giving birth to the baby — your baby!

This baby would not have been possible without your decision, your will, your body and your uterus!

Would you like to discuss your situation and see how we can help?

We will be happy to talk to you or e-mail with you, and this is free for you and does not oblige you to any further steps.

Please spend 2 min to fill in the form. This service is free for you

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Would you like to read the research data form the last 20 years on the topic of telling or not telling a child about its conception through egg donation?
Read now


A blog by Tone Bråten family counsellor

A blog — to help you on your journey to become parents!

Our patients tell their stories



  • Willeke and Mario from Netherlands come to AVA-Peter for egg donation treatment… Enjoy this touching and sincere documentary by Jorien van Nes